Going crazy..

The longest time i hav not touched this blog i guess.

Everytime i wanna write.. i stare blankly. and soon, i tear. Afterwhich i decided to “pause-blog” for the time being.

Life is getting.. meaningless.

no purpose.. no direction.. very lost.

forgotten. unappreciated. overlooked. taken for granted.

Life is meant to be lived with as little regrets as possible?

i tink i have lived enough.

very tired.

literally. mentally.

no one remembers anw.

have i been a blessing to anyone?

no.

sadly, the truth hurts.

My non-existence..

i wonder how long i can run this race.

i am tired… to de extent of giving up everythg.

if only i can sleep… …. forever! :X

dun belong here.

Redundant

This is prolly just another rant.

i hate how im feeling right now, and seriously, dun feel that i belong here at all. Thoughts of moving out is recurring again… perhaps just de spur of the moment. or rather, i hope.

With bro’s bday & parents anni cel next wkend, i was busy with the planning, contacting the various places etc. hoping to find a nicie envt. Much time was spent and the hassle to correspond with the various dept really got on my nerves sometimes. plus, time was running out. Was sourcing out for cakes as well. Since it was a double occasion, i wanted it to be sth different from the rest.

How nice. Today i was informed (by sis) that all plans will be cancelled. And that she had bought the cake today instead.

Great. how easy it is to say it…. i wasted my (bloody) time! Been sometime since i was (so, so) angry! kinda weird that everytime im feeling pissed, i feel like crying! arggg.

Seriously, i wanted to scream at someone. i was in the midst of an exam when i got her sms, and it was really…. untolerable. Anyway, de whole thg  jus freaking pissed me off, i cancelled all my reservations and orders etc. Forget it. Sth which i was lookin fwd to has now turn into (ultra) disappointment.

Feeling so fed up, i headed for a drink with the guys at nite.

Thereafter, got home…

… best… they have celebrated already!

so, how impt does that make me? after all, im redundant…. whats the point of me staying here???? @#!@!!!

Friday’s Ktv

Taking a break ktv-ing now.. Decided not to OT tonite since i’ll be returning to office tmr.

Its been a pretty bad day. So… Need to vent my frustration by singing lor.. Or is it screaming? Ah ha..

Have a great wkend!

Blogged from iphone.

lil updates..

i am considering closing this blog… but the thg hesitating me is the memories i’ve over at beautifulsunflower. i shall tink bout it.

i have no idea how often i will write again, looking at how much work has taken over my time…. by de time i get home, my dinner is in fact supper…. and thereafter, its almost midnite and i need my bed badly to chiong de next day lor! lol…

dun dare to make any more appts after work now. wkends are also dedicated to work. i wish i can choose not to. cos.. ive no social life now!! *cries* what to do? responsibility at work. if i fail to deliver, i have to answer. plus with the not-so-fantastic economy, all de more i gotta treasure my job? perhaps.. really fated ming ku ba? Ox ma… hard life rite? haha.

this lifestyle’s also detrimental to my health. haven been sleeping and eating well. either i eat very early which is my first and last meal for the day.. or i eat very late and end up with a bloated tummy. becoming hippo-potamus liao lor..

talkin bout social life.. have been asked many times again if im seeing anyone. *aiyoh* My boss has also recently showed “more concern”, haha. He even offered to matchmake, claiming that he dun wan to be as if he’s making me stay and work so late till i cant have dinner dates! then next time, i’ll blame him liao… HAHA.

well well well.

some things just cant be forced. i can only be envious? our lives are all planned differently? nice to see couples get tgt…. move on to marriage… den begin a family of their own… i believe this is almost everyone’s wish. to have a life partner.

perhaps its not time yet. perhaps there’s jus simply “no one”. perhaps its jus all a dream. perhaps im meant to be left on de shelf to begin with.

perhaps perhaps perhaps.

ok lah, if ever a matchmake is arranged, i tink i will definitely hav sth to blog bout.

i have also “equipped” myself with an iphone, hehe. bo bian… gotta try someway to keep myself updated lor. at least can stay connected online with an iphone lor? haha…. ok that sounds like an excuse.

this wkend’s burnt again. but with iphone… i can multitask…. keke.

Troubles…

its friday.. and the “feeling” sets in again. A quiet nite….

1 month has past since i last blog. By far, de longest time ive stop writing i tink..

I didnt reckon i wld be so busy.. for once, i wished for more time. these 2 months, complexion has worsen, and ive grown horizontally! *OMG*

dinner has since became supper… and lunch has turn to “eat in”. *sob*

perhaps i underestimated my workload, or… overestimated myself??

1st quarter of de yr has ended… everyday’s been hearing “target”, “sales” etc etc.. its scary that everything’s all bout numbers now. If you dont perform, it cld be just a matter of time that one is asked to leave?

I wonder if i shld “work so hard”?? The opportunity cost is giving up my social life. i barely have time for myself… by the time i knock off, de shops have all closed, and im almost knocked out..

needless to say, im going back to work tmr.

i dunno if its all worth it. *cries*

…

…

Some, just hav a better life than others. Life was nvr fair in the first place.

i probably nvr felt so “unjust” before. till today.

i stare blankly, tearing.. thinking “do i deserve this?”

…

there’s no answer… cos life is, and will nvr be fair..

Who will actually bother bout how i feel..?

tired.

i need some air………………………

!@!!*!

!@!!*!

disappointed with myself..

i just ended off a quarrel with Dad.

the start of a wkend had to be such..

when work’s like sh*t, and it doesnt get any better at home..

really spoils my mood totally.

i need strength…. to pull thru this phase.

One nite @ Timbre..

 on a Friday.

  

  

big bag of pizza ta-bao for the lovely bro at home! =p

   

  

from a colleague, to now a close fren…. =)

Hanging in there..

The vulnerable side of me happen again at work.

Its been hell these 3 days.

Today, i asked myself repeatedly how long i will be staying here… or rather, how long i can tolerate at this place.

Thankful that i have stil got a job in place.. but, now, it kinda got out of hand.

Its getting unbearable. and breathless.

No one seem to understand. No one will proobably understand too. It felt as if i am left alone to survive .. to fight this battle alone.

Never ending tears….

it continued rolling even wen i was at a meeting…how unglam, but…it was beyond my control.

came home, with red swollen eyes….

well done.. what a great wednesday i had………

=/

what if.. what if.. what if…

-

-

Tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane….

Breaking down is accumulative..

:)

:)

For all of you out there, whether you are single/ attached…

 “Happy Valentine’s Day!”.

<3,

Jac

CNY ended off with….

Lo Hei, Lo Hei and only Lo Hei…!!

  

  

Lunch @ Sun & Moon- Chijmes.

  

  

We had cold Sake after tat…. trying to “drunk” ourselves so tat we dun hav to return back to work, haha! *silly*

  

CNY’s over..

March’s approaching… its scary how time really fliessss!!

St Regis Event

more highlights of de nite… heh.

  

we went err… crazy, taking photos non-stop. or maybe, its just me =p gotta grab the opportunity before customers came!

  

big boss join in the fun of being in our “photos”…. hee.

  

the beginning….

fantastic yusheng! comments on de food were all positive…

  

 

taken towards the end of de dinner…

  

  

  

a polaroid team pic for tat nite

A preview..

Photos are getting outdated… =p

2wks back, we had our annual CNY dinner for selected customers @ St Regis hotel. It was indeed a grand one!

Preview of some 4 shots…..

  

  

to be continued….

Have a smooth-smooth Friday the 13th!!